Most people preparing for their first mediation session picture something closer to a courtroom standoff than a productive conversation. That image is almost always wrong, but the anxiety it creates is real. Knowing what the process actually looks like, step by step, and grounded in how Albuquerque and Bernalillo County courts work, is usually enough to replace that dread with something manageable.
Attorney Michelle Cortez founded ABQ Facilitation after more than 30 years working inside the family law system, first as a litigation attorney and then as a mediator. That background gives her a grounded view of what divorcing spouses actually face, and it shapes how we run every session from the first phone call forward.
What Happens Before You Walk In
The first joint session isn’t where the process begins. Before both parties are ever in the same room, we conduct a separate intake conversation with each spouse. This gives us the background we need, helps each party understand what to expect, and identifies the documents that will keep the joint session productive rather than stalled.
New Mexico’s Mediation Procedures Act (NMSA § 44-7B) establishes strong confidentiality protections for everything said during mediation. Communications made in the process generally can’t be used as evidence in any court proceeding, and the mediator generally can’t be compelled to testify about what occurred in sessions. When both parties know the conversation stays in the room, the discussion tends to be more honest and more useful.
The process begins with a free initial consultation. You can ask questions, walk through your situation, and understand what mediation involves before committing to a session. That first conversation also helps us determine whether remote or in-person sessions make more sense for your circumstances.
How the First Session Opens
When the session begins, our first task is to establish ground rules and clarify our role. We’re a neutral facilitator, not a decision-maker and not a legal advisor for either party. That distinction matters, and we make it explicit at the outset so neither side misreads what we’re doing when we ask questions or reframe an issue.
Both parties sign a confidentiality agreement at or before the session begins, formalizing the protections New Mexico law already provides under NMSA § 44-7B. After that, each party has an opportunity to share their concerns and priorities. What comes out of that exchange isn’t a resolution. It’s an agenda. The first session is designed to surface what matters most to each person and identify which issues are close to agreement and which need more time.
What Gets Discussed & How
Common topics in a first divorce mediation session include property division, spousal support, child custody, parenting schedules, and child support. New Mexico is a community property state, meaning marital assets and debts are generally divided equally unless the parties agree otherwise. That legal baseline gives us a starting point for property discussions without having to argue from scratch.
The format depends on the circumstances. When attorneys are present, we often use an evaluative approach with the parties in separate rooms. Attorney Cortez moves between rooms, carrying proposals and counterproposals and drawing on her knowledge of how New Mexico judges typically rule on contested issues. This is sometimes called caucus or shuttle mediation, and it works well in higher-conflict situations where joint discussion produces more heat than progress. In lower-conflict situations, a facilitative approach with both parties in the same room often moves faster. We also offer remote mediation for clients who prefer to participate from separate locations.
What to Bring & How to Prepare
Arriving organized makes a measurable difference. The most important documents to have in hand before the first session:
- Tax returns from the past two to three years
- Recent pay stubs for both parties
- Bank and investment account statements from the past three to six months
- Property valuations for real estate, vehicles, and other significant assets
- Outstanding debt statements including mortgages, auto loans, and credit cards
Beyond documents, a written list of your key concerns and priorities prepared before the session gives us a concrete starting point. You don’t need to have answers. You need to know what matters most to you.
It’s also worth knowing that Bernalillo County courts require divorcing couples to attempt mediation before a judge will hear a contested dispute. If child custody is contested, New Mexico’s Domestic Relations Mediation Act (NMSA §§ 40-12-1 through 40-12-6) encourages mediation as an alternative to litigation, and under NMSA § 40-4-9.1(G), courts are directed to refer contested custody issues to mediation where feasible. Coming prepared means resolving things on your own terms rather than waiting for a court schedule to dictate the pace.
What the First Session Will & Won’t Resolve
The first session rarely ends with a signed marital settlement agreement, and it’s not designed to. What it produces is a clear picture of where the parties stand, a list of any additional documents needed, and a roadmap for follow-up sessions. Most divorce mediations in New Mexico span two to four sessions over several weeks. The first session does the foundational work: establishing trust, identifying issues, and clarifying what still needs to be worked out.
When mediation produces a full agreement, the path to finalizing it matters. As a licensed attorney, Attorney Cortez can prepare the written settlement document for submission to the Second Judicial District Court. Non-attorney mediators don’t have that option under New Mexico law, which means parties working with non-attorney mediators typically have to hire separate counsel to draft the final paperwork.
Knowing what to expect from a first session removes most of the apprehension that surrounds it. The session is structured, not combative, and it’s designed to give both parties a voice and find the places where agreement is possible. To understand the process before committing to a session, schedule a free initial consultation with ABQ Facilitation. Reach us at (505) 349-4222.